Four's A Crowd
by Rot-Chan
Summary: A board game on a rainy day that will consume enough time and mental energy to make even the strongest of Diva's chevaliers ready to crack. ::Diva, Karl, Solomon, and the cinq fleches. Crack/humor one-shot::


_**Notes**_: my first ever Blood Plus fanfic. I enjoyed writing it. Diva's chevaliers are certainly a mismatched group, and had so much crack potential...I couldn't resist. And Karl...LOL. I just love him. He's plainly psychotic, and I weirded him out for this, of course.

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><p>+ + + <strong>Four's a Crowd<strong> + + +

_A Blood + fanfic by Rot-chan_

000

It's the middle of the afternoon, and it's pouring rain, and James is painfully aware that Diva has been watching - no, observing - the television for far too long.

"I want to play...a game," Diva smiles languidly, showing threatening incisors. James nods dutifully, but he cannot totally mask the suspicion in his voice.

"And exactly what kind of game do you wish to play?"

Diva's grin stretches further; the beauty of her face belies the inner beast. "It seems appropriate that we would play a board game. Since it's raining after all...and I HATE the rain, very much, didn't you know James? Of course you knew that, silly..." Diva trails off with an airy little laugh, and in the blink of the eye she's jumped off of her chaise and is pulling him off to play a 'board game' in the spacious living room.

In all honesty, James is not very used to playing games of any kind. It's hardly in his nature, and he doesn't yield pleasure let alone useful information from such simple activities...and aren't these kinds of things done by children on old television series and toy commercials?

The chevalier is beginning to question if they should allow her full access to the unlimited channels on the flatscreen that Diva insisted they have; it seems to be doing more harm than good. (Especially because there's an entire program devoted to shopping from home, and seeing as Diva can be rather...impulsive, this is hardly a good thing.)

"Come James, hurry! Oh, and fetch Karl, Solomon, and Nathan too? I want to have as many players as possible. It will be delightful," Diva says, but something about it sounds more than slightly wicked.

Ten minutes later Diva has, at inhuman speed, assembled an entire Monopoly board and handed out 'money' and pieces to her players the rain is still slamming against the window panes ceaselessly. It's officially the start to what will be a hellish, never-ending game of Monopoly, one that will consume enough time and mental energy to make even the strongest chevalier eventually ready to crack.

000

"Karl. _KARL_."

Karl drops the thimble onto the board and looks up, eyes shifting.

James feels himself grind his back teeth. "It's your turn." The usually patient chevalier is becoming, admittedly, rather impatient. But in his defense, there's something about Karl that can cause even the most indifferent of men to feel annoyed.

"And put that down," James orders sternly and defensively, snapping the thimble back onto its spot at Kentucky Avenue. "I will lose my spot."

"How did you end up with such a feminine piece, Mr. Ironside?" Nathan smiles playfully, fanning out his properties and grinning behind them as if they're playing a game of poker. They're only two hours into the game, and he's already claimed three times as many as James has.

James looks positively sour. "It is what Diva wished."

Diva grins. "Yes, that's correct James. Go on, roll," she urges sweetly, tossing him the die. James catches them with ease. Diva sits on a beanbag chair with the pink velvet cover. If James had known that Diva wasn't going to be playing the game with them, but only 'regulating' it - whatever that truly meant - he wouldn't have been as agreeable to participate. _Especially_with these three.

And especially since he's now rolled a six, and that means -

"Oh, James!" Nathan gasps. "What d'you know. You've landed on MY property, again!" Nathan smiles in utter delight at seeing James so uncomfortable in his defeat. His tone turns serious. "160. Cough up the dough, now."

Solomon, who has been quiet up till now, watches in subtle amusement as James grumbles to himself and sorts through his pile of paper bills, then doles out 160 dollars to a very pleased Nathan.

Nathan, who cannot help himself, rolls over on his side to stare adoringly at his Queen. "Isn't this wonderful Diva? Do you smell it? It's the smell of **victory**, and victory shall be-"

Before he can continue, Diva abruptly stands and clenches her fists in anger. "KARL!" Everyone turns to stare at Karl, hunched over with a hotel in his mouth. Solomon sighs. If he can recall, the last time they played this game over fifty years ago, Karl had thought then too that the pieces were something like candy...

In a millisecond, Diva grabs a playing piece closest to her and throws it hard enough that it's indented directly between Karl's eyes. It leaves a bloody crater in his forehead, then falls onto the table with a wet click.

"Don't _eat_the pieces. Spit it out," Diva hisses menacingly, eyes glowing until Karl spits the hotel out onto the floor, wide-eyed. "Good, good..." She sits down with a sigh, getting comfortable again.

"Ooh, me next love!" Nathan gushes mockingly. "C'mon, throw me the shoe, I'll try to catch it with my _teeth. _I'm _certain_ I can do better than poor _Karl_."

"Nathan..." James clenches his jaw, feeling more than slightly annoyed by the other chevalier, and wishing more than anything that the sun will come out...or that a hurricane will blow the roof off. Besides, he only has 43 dollars left and just three properties, one being Mediterranean Avenue - which obviously sucks.

"Don't be so humorless James," Solomon says, feeling himself growing rather restless from being cooped up as well. "There's no need to be hateful; after all, being a good sport is the way to succeed in any game, any at all." He says it with enough phony sweetness to induce a diabetic coma.

James grits his teeth, feeling his patience slipping. "Keep talking, you little man-child," he mutters sharply to himself, grabbing the die and rolling them determinedly...only to land once again on Marvin Gardens. Nathan giggles contentedly and wordlessly holds out one palm.

"_GOD_ dammit, you rotten, cheating-"

_"Augh!"_Diva sobs dramatically; she rushes over clinging to Karl as if she expects him to protect her, and Karl, who has awkwardly forced Solomon to roll and move for him each time due to his detached state of mind, is caught off-guard.

"Diva!-" James jumps up, but she only continues to sob softly into Karl's chest, who looks rather anxious as she holds onto him...and rips the sides of his cape to shreds.

Solomon stares. Nathan chews a thumbnail. James looks at them accusingly.

"Oh, I only wanted to have **_fun_**with my chevaliers for the day...I even let Solomon come," she sniffs into Karl, as the chevalier awkwardly pets her hair and says ridiculously cliche comforts like 'there-there' and 'dry your eyes now, dry your eyes'.

Diva slaps Karl's hand off hard enough to rip off skin. "Shut your mouth..._Karl_..." But she says his name ever so sweetly, so diaphanously - he cannot help but want to document the very moment.

"If the Queen's pet would quit drooling," Nathan drawls, "then perhaps we could play another game instead?"

Karl gives Nathan a feral glare, the magic of the exchange broken. Solomon adds helpfully, "What do you suggest we play?" Although honestly he can't care less.

Nathan grins, "I know - TABBOO would be absolutely perfect, it's just the best little game I've ever played - don't you think so Solomon?"

Solomon blanches, but before he can deny ever doing such a thing James interjects, "How dare you suggest disgusting garbage to Diva!"

Nathan snorts and mutters, "Of course. Pretty boy over here is getting his panties in a twist, playing the 'good cop', as usual..."

James clenches his money in his hand, slams a palm down hard enough to crack the coffee table into two. "How dare you..." The table flips over and James easily throws it, aims straight for Nathan's head; Nathan easily dodges the debris flying towards him, appearing amused; sadly, it crashes into the flatscreen television, and it groans momentarily before toppling off of the wall.

But Diva is smiling, wanly watching them carry on; and it's only Solomon who has finally caught on to what was truly intended from this entire affair to begin with. He smiles softly in spite of himself. _Clever little monster..._

Diva pets Karl's hair; it appears to soothe him. "Solomon. Solomon?" Diva says, but her underlying tone is sharp. "I want some cotton candy."

Solomon stands, painfully aware of his devotion. "Of course." He's careful to step over the broken glass and the destroyed petunia pots on the way to the kitchen.

As he passes through the parlor, he notices the sun's come out at last. Very tempted to laugh, he continues onto the kitchen (and vaguely, in the back of his mind, wonders if poison can be spun into sugar).

000


End file.
